OTHER STUFF

SCREW FLASH!

People have been telling me that I'm getting too evangelistic about Macromedia Flash. I'm here to tell you that I am NOT IN THE LEAST dependent on Flash! In fact, I HATE Flash! It sucks hairy donkey balls at constant intervals!

The weird-ass interface, the substandard GIF and JPEG output, the gradual emulation of Adobe which is growing with every new release... it pisses me off like you wouldn't believe! To Macromedia I say, LIFT YOUR GODDAMN GAME! 96% of the online audience can view Flash animation, you say? BIG STINKING DEAL! 96% of Flash animators are incapable of creating anything other than spinning, glowy gradient fills and dancing text! FLASH EATS POOP!

It's all about the vectors, is it? I got news for you: Vectors are the biggest scam on the internet since those Usenet lawyers! Vectors are unattractive! They're POINTY AND UNPLEASANT!

And don't get me going on TWEENING! For god's sake -- TWEENING is made of SATAN'S OWN DISCHARGE! It's LAZY and the animation is UNORGANIC AND MECHANICAL!

And they market it as a web site design package! WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY KIDDING? Web sites created in Flash are the slowest, LEAST INTERESTING sites on the Web! They judder and jerk and ARE FILLED WITH SPINNY, GLOWY GRADIENT BALLS! The coding is pissweak and can be done more efficiently in virtually ANY OTHER LANGUAGE IN EXISTENCE! The program is TOO EXPENSIVE! It makes my HARD DRIVE SMELL OF LEMON DISINFECTANT! It OCCASIONALLY MAKES A LIGHT BUT IRRITATING WHISTLING SOUND WHILE I'M TRYING TO DRAW STUFF! I THINK IT'S HITTING ON ME VERY SUBTLY! IT HAS NO BUTT CHEEKS, WHICH IS QUITE DISARMING!

Screw Flash!

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