OTHER STUFF

Hello. I am Evil Nakedfella. I am here to talk to you about recent filmed movies which I particularly like or hate. However, they do not exist, except in my own head. Let us continue...

Bodily Expulsions
94 mins.
Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman, Paul Reubens, Pile Of Turds

An explosive look at what comes out of people when you're not looking. Paxton and Pullman are two lawyers who keep getting confused for one another by people who know them. As a result, they snap and start killing people with their own turds. Reubens is the privates investigator (you heard me) who must stop them before they can sell their story to The National Enquirer. Riveting.

****

The Union
112 mins.
That girl from Party Of Five, that guy from Dawson's Creek

That guy from Dawson's Creek plays a man (a stretch, I know) who becomes leader of an unnamed union of fat men in a Midwestern American state. That girl from Party Of Five is the reporter who must take down his sorry corrupted ass. They have graphic sex several times in the movie before she has him jailed and executed. This is my favourite part of the film, unless you count the end credits sequence where they play all 17 hours of unused footage from the film under a looped version of We Are Family. Riveting.

***

Untasted Virgin Mint
136 mins.
Several Swedish actors and Pamela Anderson
Subtitled

It's Fatal Attraction meets Blue's Clues when Pamela Anderson, as Pamela Andersson, uncovers a web of strangeness and death lurking behind a Swedish children's TV show. Yeah, it's one of those films that a "star" does in another country and gets released to video, but it's still lots of fun, if only because of the high number of filthy bits involving small woodland creatures and colorful wooden mallets. Riveting.

***

Jenny You Suck So Much
77 mins.
The Olsen triplets, Steve Guttenberg

Normally I hate kiddie films, and especially ones with Steve Guttenberg, but I had to see this one, since it features the acting debut of the third Olsen kid. Mary-Kate and Ashley you know, but I bet you've never heard of Ratt Olsen! This little whipper-snapper outshines her better known sisters in this neat flick. See, she's EVIL, and she does unspeakable things to not only the twins, but also Steve Guttenberg. It's twisted, sick and illegal in most countries, and it's the best film of the year. As Ratt says in the final scene, "You're gonna have me in your head ALL THE TIME -- 'TIL YOU DIE!" Riveting!

*****

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